By Therese Baumgart, EFT INT-1
My client, "Sue," came to see me for weight loss, saying that her doctor had told her to lose 40 pounds, but that she had "tried everything" without success.
She then recounted the following life circumstances:
She had been a grieving widow since her beloved husband of forty years had died three years ago on the day before Thanksgiving. Since his death she has dreaded that holiday. She told her daughters, "For Thanksgiving, I never want to hear anything about it, just tell me what time and where to go, and I'll be there."
Also, one adult daughter has cancer and a second daughter has MS. In addition, she is completely exhausted from worrying about her children and helping care for her grandchildren, all of whom she loves dearly.
Sue also told me that she always puts on a happy face for her daughters and she couldn't be honest with them about her sad emotional state, her own health problems, or the stress she is experiencing.
When I asked Sue why she couldn't be honest with them she initially looked blank and then said that her daughters might faint from the shock--or stop speaking to her.
After hearing about Sue's overwhelming circumstances, I acknowledged them with long EFT Setup phrases, repeating each part as a reminder phrase. We massaged the sore spot (neurolymphatic reflex point) for the EFT Setup Statements and tapped each reminder phrase on a different point.
With the final point of each round we took a deep breath. (I did not ask Sue for a specific SUD number from 0-10 intensity level.)
The following is a selection of the phrases I used with Sue:
Even though I have all these weighty issues, these heavy issues, these issues weighing me down, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though all these heavy things happened, these heavy situations are still going on, my heart is heavy because my daughters are ill, my heart is heavy because I lost my husband, I have all these heavy issues to deal with, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I'm carrying this heavy weight in my heart, I'm carrying this heavy weight in my spirit, I'm carrying this heavy weight on my body, it's inside, it's outside, these issues weighing me down, I deeply and completely accept myself.
After working with these phrases Sue asked if I thought the heaviness in her spirit was related to the heaviness in her body. I said yes I did think that. Obviously, something had clicked and I could almost see Sue thinking and making this connection in a deep way for herself.
The next series of phrases targeted widowhood, sadness, and life enjoyment:
Even though I'm a grieving widow and I'm supposed to be sad forever, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I was a good wife, a great wife, and everyone knows a good wife, a great wife is supposed to be sad forever if her husband dies, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I know I'd feel disloyal to my husband if I enjoy myself, I deeply and completely accept myself.(I sometimes use the phrase "I know" or "everyone knows" to subtly suggest that what anyone knows is subject to change.)
Even though people would criticize me if I had fun, people would say, look at her having such a great time, she's a widow and she's supposed to be sad forever, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I'm not allowed to be happy again and enjoy my life, I'm not allowed to enjoy Thanksgiving again, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Then Sue told me that her mother had been an alcoholic and that as a child growing up she always pretended to others that everything was fine, when it wasn't.
The following statements were powerful and freeing for Sue:
Even though when I was a child I pretended that everything was fine, just fine, thank you, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I'm still pretending and I can't be honest with my own children, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though all this pretending is a lot of work, this dishonesty is making me exhausted, I deeply and completely accept myself.
I ended the session by tapping in some positive choice statements:
I choose to be honest with my daughters and other people about my feelings.
If I happen to feel sick or I'm just having a bad day, I choose to be honest about it and say so.
Even if they faint and stop speaking to me, I choose to be honest about my feelings.
This was the end of our session and Sue said she felt very relaxed and complete about the issues she had raised. I suggested she tap at home during the week on the "heavy issues weighing me down" and "carrying these weighty issues."
Sue said she would express her true feelings to her daughters. As she left my office she said, "Good-bye, Mary Sunshine!" referring to herself.
When Sue came back for her next session one week later her whole demeanor had changed. Her face and posture no longer sagged and her step was lighter. She told me that she had tapped repeatedly on the statements I had given her and that she had good news to share.
Sue told her daughter that baby-sitting this coming summer for both grandchildren, a two-year-old and the five-year-old, would be too difficult, but that she would still be able to care for the five-year-old. When I asked her if her daughter had fainted or stopped speaking to her, she smiled and said that her daughter had been supportive and understanding.
Then Sue said she told her second daughter that for Thanksgiving (which is seven months away) she would like to have the holiday at her own home (as they used to do when her husband was alive). Sue also said that she and her daughter had agreed to cook the meal together.