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author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
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- Last Updated on Saturday, 23 August 2014 23:45
Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to get our Free EFT Get Started Package or our EFT Books and EFT Trainings for a more complete understanding. For more, read our EFT Info and Disclaimer Document.
WHO AM I NOW??? How Identity Issues Block Abundance
This insightful article by Carol Look focuses on the "comfort zone" problems that often get in the way of abundance. She says, "When we start to recognize that we are changing, we always have an "identity conflict" that surfaces --- this means, who am I now that I no longer have this problem? I ask my clients to answer the following questions even before they start to tap, as the answers reveal excellent clues to help formulate their EFT setup statements..."
When a client tells me they want to be more successful, I know that identity issues will surface for them in the form of emotional blocks. These issues --- who will I be, who is the new me, what happened to the old me --- threaten permanent change within ourselves and our clients, simply because we are stretching ourselves and don't feel familiar with who we are becoming. Our comfort zones are challenged when we move forward, even if we initiated or sought the change.
Learning how to address the emotional challenges that come with growing and becoming more successful can dramatically shift your long term success. Luckily, identity issues and conflicts can easily be addressed and neutralized with EFT when you know what to look for in yourself or in your clients.
Every fear about changing can be traced to a specific event. If you feel afraid of changing, where does that fear come from? What happened in your past that set you up for this fear? What is the "writing on your walls" from your background?
When we start to recognize that we are changing, we always have an "identity conflict" that surfaces --- this means, who am I now that I no longer have this problem? I ask my clients to answer the following questions even before they start to tap, as the answers reveal excellent clues to help formulate their EFT setup statements:
(1) Who will I be without this problem?
If you've been identified as the "poor" one in the family for two decades --- the one who never quite gets it together --- how will it feel if you aren't that person anymore? Look for specific events or conflicts that happened in your family or with friends that may be triggering this fear.
And of course be aware of and listen for "tail enders" from your mind about what's not right about the new you.
(2) What if I want my "problem" back?
This poses a dilemma, but I make sure my clients know that they have permission to "take it back" IF THEY CHOOSE. And if they do want it back, the first thing to do is to tap on this feeling! This may be an example of a tail ender - you say you want to get rid of the problem, and when you do, the tail ender says "but I'm not that person. I'm more comfortable having this big problem."
(3) Who will recognize me if I am different?
We all need to be recognized in our lives, families and neighborhoods. What would it feel like if you are no longer the ring leader of the smokers at work? What if you change your external appearance by losing weight, and they don't "recognize" you? What if instead of always being the last one to the meeting, you start showing up on time? I guarantee there is a specific event from your past that is triggering this fear of not being recognized.
At some point in your life, someone didn't "recognize" you, and it was painful. If this is the case, that event could be the target for EFT.
(4) What if I feel empty without my problem?
This is a common and threatening feeling AFTER someone has released a long term problem. Clients who wish to become successful have mentioned they feel an "emptiness" inside, which used to be filled with hours of self-loathing, blame and feeling ashamed of their failures. This thinking had become a way of life for them, a part of their identity. Ask yourself where and how you learned to be so self-blaming. What specific event is behind this fear of feeling empty?
(5) What's the downside of releasing this problem?
Let's suppose you have signed up for an EFT workshop in order to change, feel better or attract abundance. It is critical to ask yourself what is a potential downside of letting go of my old way of being? Is there a negative consequence that might happen if you make this change? Maybe this reminds you of a specific event that happened after you released a problem in the past. We learn our fears from our experiences in life. Find the initial experience and collapse it with EFT.
(6) How will they (family members/ loved ones) react to the new me?
What is your anticipation of how they might react? What if you become the star in your business, but your brother is still failing? What if you get sober and everyone else still drinks? What if you finally lose the weight this time and keep it off for good? Again, it's important to look for a past event when someone had a negative reaction to a change you made in your life.
(7) What did they say the last time I changed?
I encourage you to identify the specifics of what "they" said to you the last time you were successful. Pick a negative phrase that someone said to you or something that happened that was negative, connected to the time of your last success. Were they jealous? Envious? Insensitive? How high is the charge on the incident now when you remember all the details of what they said to you back then? Use this as the target for your EFT session.
(8) What will happen if I "rock the boat" in my family system?
All family systems resist change, and rocking the boat never feels good to the rocker or the others along for the ride! There are always consequences when a family member changes. If you anticipate and tap for this inevitability, you will be able to roll with it, even if "they" don't. We all have particular comfort zones of success --- a ceiling above which we will not go. What is your financial comfort zone? Your comfort zone with your health? With your relationships? Maybe you have surpassed your family's comfort zone. This will certainly rock the boat.
When you make tremendous leaps financially and professionally, there will be changes you need to absorb in order for you to adjust to your new level on an energetic basis. If you don't, you are in danger of "relapsing" back to the "old you." Imagine you have now manifested all that you wanted financially and professionally. What worries or anxieties or "Yes, buts"
surface? Pretend you have already reached your goals. Now that you have the financial freedom you have dreamed of for decades, what feels different? Uncomfortable? Troublesome? Measure the physical and "charged feelings" on the 0-10 point scale, and then use these feelings as "targets" for your EFT.
Examples: Measure the 0-10 point level of intensity on "how true" these statements feel to you:
I'm afraid of losing it now that I have it. ________(0-10)
I feel anxious about having money. ________(0-10)
I finally have the money but can't spend it! ________(0-10)
I feel this urge to sabotage myself! ________(0-10)
Search for specific events that support the feelings around the above questions. For instance, why would you be afraid of losing it? Did you lose money before? Did someone in your family have this problem?
What is the writing on your walls? Who taught you this? Does it not feel safe to spend? Why don't you want to spend it? Does this remind you of something bad that happened or something that a family member said about spending money?
Why do you feel anxious having money? What is the history about this?
What specific event is supporting or fueling your urge to sabotage yourself?
If you don't feel deserving, where did that come from? What did they say to you to make you believe this? What would feel "normal" about sabotaging your success?
Try the following EFT setup phrases and tapping sequences and tailor the language to suit your own situation.
Measure how true the following statement feels:
Karate Chop Point:
Even though I don't know who I am now that I have the financial abundance I wanted to attract, I deeply and completely love and accept all of me.
Even though I don't recognize who I am now that I have become successful, I accept who I am and how I feel.
Even though I feel like I have lost my identity as the unhappy, poor one I've always been, I accept the new me and all I did to get here.
EYEBROW: I feel uncomfortable with the new me.
SIDE OF EYE: I'm not sure I like being so successful.
UNDER EYE: I feel strange having what I want.
NOSE: I wonder why it feels so strange to me.
CHIN: I am struggling with identity issues. Who am I now?
COLLARBONE: I don't know who I am any more.
UNDER ARM: I always saw myself as a failure.
HEAD: I feel out of place being so successful.
EYEBROW: I don't know how to feel comfortable in this new place.
SIDE OF EYE: It's so strange not to struggle with money.
UNDER EYE: I have the financial abundance I was hoping for, but...
NOSE: I don't know what to do with it.
CHIN: Who am I now?
COLLARBONE: I'm the same person I've always been.
UNDER ARM: But I don't feel like the same person.
HEAD: I feel strange now that my life is financially easy.
What if you were so accustomed to seeing and experiencing life as a struggle, that you feel a pull inside you to sabotage and make life a struggle again? This is far more common than you would imagine! Measure your "urge" to sabotage on the 0-10 point scale. And remember, if you do have a strong desire to sabotage your success, it means that on some level, you are assuming that sabotaging will help you, or keep you safe from some anticipated negative outcome. Otherwise, you wouldn't need to sabotage yourself.
Karate chop point:
Even though I was more comfortable when life was a struggle, I choose to accept who I am and how I feel.
Even though I'm feeling disoriented with my new life, I choose to remember that I am still the same person I've always been.
Even though I have an urge to go back to the old life of struggle, I accept that I'm changing and I appreciate what I have.
EYEBROW: I feel uncomfortable without having to struggle.
SIDE OF EYE: It's so new to me.
UNDER EYE: I feel strange without struggling financially.
NOSE: I want to be the old me.
CHIN: I'm used to struggling.
COLLARBONE: I don't know who I am now that I'm not struggling.
UNDER ARM: I spent years trying to change, now what?
HEAD: I feel this emptiness inside.
EYEBROW: I want to be comfortable with the changes I've made.
SIDE OF EYE: I choose to be comfortable with the new me.
UNDER EYE: I'm not new, but now I'm enjoying abundance.
NOSE: I have this strange feeling of wanting to sabotage myself.
CHIN: I wonder why I want to go back to the way things used to be.
COLLARBONE: I choose to accept the new me and my new life.
UNDER ARM: It's what I wanted and I appreciate it.
HEAD: I choose to make the best of my life.
Measure the charge on the 0-10 point scale of this "urge to sabotage" after tapping to test to see if it has decreased. If not, search for the right words and be specific for your situation, and tap until you are no longer in danger of sabotaging your success.
Suppose someone criticized you in the past when you announced a success in your life. This would be an example of a specific event. Identify the "who, what and when" of this specific event, and use that as your target for EFT. Measure the emotional charge of how hurt or frustrated you are now when you think of that old event on the 0-10 point scale.
Karate chop point:
Even though he criticized me last time and it really stung, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and my feelings.
Even though I'm still upset about that criticism comment he said last time, I accept who I am and how I feel.
Even though I am still upset after all these years, I accept who I am and how I feel.
EYEBROW: I feel so hurt from his criticism.
SIDE OF EYE: I was so excited and then he crushed me.
UNDER EYE: I still feel hurt after all these years.
NOSE: His criticism really stung me.
CHIN: No wonder I'm afraid to succeed again.
COLLARBONE: Why did he criticize me?
UNDER ARM: It made me feel like a failure.
HEAD: I still feel hurt from that past criticism.
EYEBROW: No wonder I'm afraid to stand out.
SIDE OF EYE: No wonder I'm ambivalent about succeeding again.
UNDER EYE: No wonder I sabotage myself.
NOSE: I choose to release the hurt of his criticism.
CHIN: I'm ready to move forward regardless of his reaction.
COLLARBONE: I appreciate who I am as the new me.
UNDER ARM: I appreciate that I stretched my comfort zone.
HEAD: I am releasing his criticism and moving forward.
Keep tapping on all the changes and feelings of discomfort with the new you, so that your identity issues don't threaten your long term success. This will allow you to collapse past events that are connected to your sabotage, and will allow you to keep expanding your comfort zones.