Dear EFT Community,
EFT practitioner, Judy Whitcraft, discovers how Grandma's words lovingly intended to help a woman avoid repeating her father's failures, led to long-term depression and feeling like a loser. By understanding where the words came from and gently reframing, the client is able to clear her limiting beliefs and feel hopeful about the future.
By Judy Whitcraft, EFT INT-1
My client "Maria" had spent a lifetime feeling like she failed at everything she did, even though she tried hard and did her best to stay optimistic. Maria had many health issues and was often depressed. She said she felt jinxed. She said she felt like a loser, and that statement was true for her 100%.
When I asked Maria who had told her she was a loser, Maria replied that whenever she misbehaved as a child, her grandma had always said to her, "You're just like your father and you will never amount to anything."
Maria's father was considered critical, controlling, and a loser.
When I asked Maria how her Grandmother's statement made her feel, she replied "defeated, sad, unmotivated" to a SUD level of 10. She felt tired and dragged down all over her body to a level 10. She said she felt "down," depressed to a level 12 (out of 1-10).
We tapped using Grandma's words as the Setup phrase, then Reminder Phrases down the points eb, se, ue, un, chin, cb, ua, and top of the head.
We used statements about feeling tired, defeated, sad, unmotivated, dragged down, and exhausted, and also used Grandma's sentence many times.
When we had gotten Maria's SUD numbers down to a 3-4, I started reframing.
We tapped on “Grandma was saying those things for my own good,” and reframed it saying "Grandma was making sure I did not turn out like my dad, and she succeeded, I am not like my dad. I am compassionate, caring, accepting, and loving." Maria's numbers came down more.
I then asked Maria if she could ask Grandma (who has now passed on) some questions as she saw her in her mind's eye. Maria said yes, and discovered that she could see that Grandma was proud of her and loved her. Maria could now feel that Grandma had always loved her and knew she was a good girl, and wanted to make sure she saw that she shouldn't follow the example of her father.
The numbers changed dramatically. At the end of our half hour, the statement "I am a loser" was not true for her at all.
Body all over feeling of tired/dragged down had gone from 10-9-7-4. Defeated/sadness/unmotivated feeling went from 10 to 0. And most impressive (for me) was that her feeling down/depression which started at "12" went to a 6, and then to a 0. Maria was actually feeling upbeat, and seeing possibility for the first time in a long while.
I checked in with Maria the next day. She was still feeling upbeat and hopeful, although she said her husband had irritated her that day. (What a change!)
I checked in a week later and Maria reported 0 on "feeling down." She said, "I feel separated from that energy. I do not feel like I am a loser." She also said she was still frustrated not meeting with success at work yet, but felt it was coming. She said that she felt sad that she had held on to the belief that she was a loser for so very long.
Maria was very pleased that she had not drifted down to the depths of depression again, as was her usual path. She also knows this is an ongoing journey to keep remembering who she really is and will continue to tap and continue to affirm she is deserving of a life of health and joy.