I was talking with EFT practitioner Teresa Bolen in preparation for a session and she recommended I do the Personal Peace Process. Incidentally, I have been tapping for years and had one professional session several years back before buying the DVD series. It has been awhile since I watched the DVDs, and I was not sure how the Personal Peace Process worked so Teresa explained it to me. I made my list that day and started tapping the next.
Honestly, I probably did not do the Personal Peace Process when I first heard of it because it seemed like too much trouble. Can't I just tap on all the big issues that are obviously bothering me? Well, within about an hour of tapping through my memories, I had a breakthrough regarding a childhood incident that I almost did not think worth putting on the list. It involved an incident from childhood where I felt a great injustice was done to me. I suddenly realized that it was not what was done to me so much as my reaction that still bothered me. I did not speak up for myself forcefully enough to change the situation. Not speaking up for myself has been a theme throughout my life. Had a good cry on that one-- highly unusual for me-- and tapped on all aspects including that I could not now tell mom how I felt as she passed on years ago. Finally, I could acknowledge my anger, sadness, helplessness, and feeling of hopelessness. I had always shrugged the incident off as merely an unpleasant memory.
The next day, I started on finishing my teenage years and leading up to a life-saving surgery. Once again, didn't think I could get a charge out of that situation after all these years, but as I sat rambling on freely about different aspects while tapping, something very interesting happened.
My tapping phrases went something like this:
Even though my mother and I couldn't or wouldn't do anything to stop the process that led to this surgery, etc...
Even though the medicine failed ...
Even though I failed, again, and a surgeon had to save me...
I didn't know how/ wasn't willing to take care of myself.
I didn't know how to handle my stress so some part of me had to.
Someone had to fall on the sword to save the rest of us (meaning other parts of my body).
My colon had to fall on the sword to save the whole.
Those words were the key to the door of grief that I had never opened, nor even knew existed, in over 25 years. I cried and grieved so for the bit of me that was so badly damaged and dysfunctional that it had to be removed as if it were a child I had lost. Previously, I had never thought the diseased part of my digestive tract was something to inspire compassion, love or any other emotion. It just was. I acknowledged my feelings of responsibility and guilt for "holding it all in." At the time, not showing any evidence of stress and depression meant I was handling it. Wanting to above all appear cool and calm at all times regardless of my inner turmoil, I let myself and my body down. And so I forgave myself and apologized to my body part that "fell on the sword" to save the rest of me.
This is still very fresh so I can't report on any miraculous physical changes, if there are to be. It is still so rare for me to get emotional enough to cry; that release in itself was worth it. Thanks to EFT and to Teresa Bolen for urging me to give the Personal Peace Process a go. EFT has given me so much; I hope sharing this will benefit at least one other person looking for personal peace.