Sherrie Rice Smith, EFT INT-1 Practitioner and frequent submitter to the newsletter, writes in with an in-depth session that helped an out-of-state relative resolve deep grief over an abortion she had at a young age, as well as other issues.
Recently, I had an EFT session request from an out of state relative with whom I’ve had a few email/phone exchanges about the subject. Annette had downloaded the EFTUniverse.com mini-manual & tapping sheet & she had done a bit of tapping on her own on a few personal issues, such as a headache & anxiety, with good success. What she wanted to discuss was something bigger than she figured she could handle on her own.
We made a noon appointment to do EFT over the phone. When she answered the phone, I made sure she had the tapping sheet available, along with a glass of water. I had texted her earlier in the morning to remind her to find the tapping paper. Once again, I made sure Annette understood that I would tell her where I wanted her to tap and how she needed to repeat what I said. I also told her that if she didn’t feel connected to my words, that she should change them in any manner she felt appropriate, as this was her session, not mine. I was simply guiding her.
A word of explanation to the tapping community here – I’m a Christian EFT coach, which means that if I have a Christian client, I will pray with the client before we begin a session, asking the Holy Spirit’s guidance. I will also use Christian-based tapping phrases. I have used this in multiple cases and it works just as well, if not better, than the standard EFT phrases. My clients connect with these phrases better, as do I.
Annette indicated to me that she had a fairly high anxiety & stress level, pre-anticipatory grief over the soon to happen death of her father, who is quite ill. Her SUDS was a 7, on a scale of 0 - 10.
Even though I have all this stress because I know Dad is going to die soon, I know God loves me.
Even though my anxiety level is through the roof, I know Jesus loves me.
Even though I’m already worrying about how I’m going to handle all the hassles of the estate with my brothers and sisters after Dad passes, I know God loves me very much.
TH: I can’t stand all this stress about Dad.
EB: I’m nearly beside myself worrying about all the stuff I will have to handle.
SE: I know the other kids are going to give me all kinds of grief about the house.
BE: I can’t live here forever; the house is too big.
UL: I won’t have anywhere to go when Dad dies.
CH: I can’t imagine I will be able to handle all this.
CB: All this work that is going to fall on me when Dad dies, so I try to keep him alive as long as possible.
UA: Dad’s dying and I can deal with that, as he is old, it’s all the after stuff that is so hard to think about.
We did a couple rounds of tapping around these issues with Annette changing a few words here & there to match what she was feeling. At this point I stopped her & had her drink some water, deep breathe, and tell me where she was with her SUDS & what she was now thinking.
SUDS had come down to a 3 or 4, but a new aspect had arisen. “I talked to Jimmy about this, but I think I deserve all this hassle & I shouldn’t be complaining at all about it because I had that abortion in high school.” Annette went on and on for a good 15 minutes about this issue, so I let her talk, as I had time, but I told her to keep tapping while she “ranted”. By this time her SUDS went back up to a 6.
TH: I deserve all this hassle.
EB: It’s all my own fault that I have to deal with this.
SE: I know God has forgiven me, but I still feel guilty.
UE: When I don’t feel guilty, I feel guilty because I don’t feel guilty, and I think I should be feeling guilty.
UL: I worry about what other people are thinking. They think I should have more remorse than I’m showing.
CH: How can I face that child in heaven? I killed that baby.
CB: I deserve what I get taking care of Dad. I caused it all.
UA: This is my punishment for what I did. Someone has to make up for killing that baby.
We stopped after 2 rounds, reevaluated, drank some water, and tested. The SUDS was down to a 2.
Annette brought out another aspect that popped up. “I have no self control with food. I have all these weight issues which are punishment, too, for what I did”. Hesitantly, she went on about lack of interest in sexual matters and my body is “tired and not holding up well”. She was frustrated with herself, “doctors, insurance, and hospitals”. She discussed for a short time the Catholic Church teachings on sexuality now that the subject was opened up.
Her SUDS went back up to a 10. No setup done again. We went right back to tapping.
TH: I’m disgusted with myself.
EB: I have no self-control. I just keep stuffing food in my mouth.
SE: I’ve gained all this weight & I can’t keep up in life.
UE: I’ve lost all interest in sex and Jimmy just keeps going.
UL: I’m just so tired keeping up with Dad and the kids.
CH: I’m frustrated with myself that I can’t seem to be able to do this job.
CB: I’m tired of all the doctors, insurance and hospitals. They wear me out, too.
UA: I’m so very disgusted with myself, but I know God still loves me.
After 3 rounds with the above reminder phrases, we again stopped to check where she was. Some deep breaths, a drink of water, and a short break told me she was still at a 7.
Because this was a phone session and I was listening extremely intently to any changes in her voice, I knew she was starting to break down, as her voice was cracking. I knew she was near to tears. Asking how she was, Annette told me this all brought back an incident from when she was aged 12. I had at one of the previous breaks quickly explained to her that EFT was particularly effective, if one could link the present emotion to a childhood event. Annette had just come up with a childhood event.
I told her to keep tapping while she told me this story:
While playing around an old building with some friends, playing hide & seek, a man ran up to her and grabbed her across the chest on “my boobs”, then ran off. None of her friends witnessed it, but she told them about it when they returned. Her girlfriends asked why she hadn’t screamed. “I tried, but nothing came out”, was her answer. Of course, none of them believed her, so one of her friends asked, “Did you enjoy it?” Her answer was an emphatic “no”, but she had realized she had a bit of sexual arousal around the event, so in set the guilt & conflict over not being able to scream and the “nice” feelings. “I was a coward for not standing up for myself. I was too weak to scream. I was too weak to say no to the abortion. I was too scared to make a decision about anything. And now I can’t make any decisions about much of anything either,” all came streaming out without a break.
I quickly asked for a SUDS which I suspected was pretty high because the tears were really beginning to flow. Again, no set-up, as she was definitely in the moment & her SUDS was an 8 & she was in tune with her intense feelings. I asked if she had Kleenex. She did. I could hear her blowing her nose…a lot!
TH: I’m a coward.
EB: I don’t know how to stand up for myself.
SE: I was too weak to say no to the abortion.
UE: I’m too scared to make any decisions about anything.
UL: I tried to scream. Nothing came out.
CH: I’m such a coward.
CB: I’m weak.
UA: I don’t know how to stand up for myself.
Crying had slowed a bit, so I continued.
TH: I was alone when that man came.
EB: I told my girlfriends what had happened.
SE: They asked why I didn’t scream.
UE: I did scream, but nothing came out of my mouth
UL: He grabbed my boobs.
CH: I was so surprised and embarrassed.
CB: Did you enjoy it?
UA: Did you enjoy it?
Crying began again, so I continued. I knew I was hitting a really sore spot with Annette and I wanted to disarm it quickly and thoroughly.
TH: Did you enjoy it?
EB: I couldn’t scream.
SE: He grabbed my boobs.
UE: Did you enjoy it?
UL: No one believed me. He ran off.
CH: I feel guilty because it aroused me.
CB: I feel that guilt, but I know God has forgiven me.
UA: God forgave me, as I was only 12 and it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t ask for it.
Crying slowed again, but I did another round on the hand points on the last 4 phrases as above to make sure the issue was gone.
We reevaluated again, along with getting another glass of water for both of us, and taking some deep breaths. Annette said she felt much better and had a SUDS of 2.
Another aspect change showed up, as Annette’s voice softened and I knew she was thinking about something else now.
“That progression of growing up with so much immorality. All that feminity. I allowed guys to walk all over me. I was so promiscuous. I never told Jimmy too much of it because I feared it would damage our relationship. He didn’t want to know he said. I was taught right and wrong. I feel so guilty. I remember feeling like trash. I was always heavy and bigger than my older sisters, but everyone told me I wasn’t heavy, I was just big boned. I was told I looked like Dad, and Dad always had weight issues until recently, so I figured I would be fat, too”. “What am I going to say to that baby when we meet in heaven?” I assured her that the baby is in heaven and I suspect the baby will run to her, wrapping her arms around Annette, saying, “Hi, Mom!”. I asked Annette if she had confessed her sin to Jesus. “A hundred times, but I still feel so guilty”, she answered. I had her tapping while she talked.
Usually, I would ask a client where they physically felt all these issues, but Annette had no problems articulating what she was feeling, nor did she have any problems getting into the moment of the issues. She was such an easy client to work with even though this was all being done over the phone! She was once again beginning to cry. I asked her to give me 2 different SUD levels – one on the “immorality” and another on the weight issue. Both were 10s.
I decided to do one at a time, rather than confuse the issues. This would enable me to know where the SUDS level was on 2 different issues, and make sure I disarmed both of them adequately.
We began again without a setup, as she was sniffling quite a bit, with me tapping using her own words:
TH: All that growing up.
EB: So much immorality.
SE: I allowed guys to walk all over me.
UE: I never told Jimmy much of this.
UL: I felt like trash.
CH: I’m ashamed of myself.
CB: I went to all those clubs and drank like a fish night after night.
UA: All this guilt over that behavior.
Next round continued as I could hear the crying subsiding, but not completely:
TH: All this immorality.
EB: I didn’t feel too feminine, so I let the men walk all over me.
SE: Those men used me & I let them.
UE: I knew right from wrong. I was taught better than this.
UL: I feel so guilty.
CH: If I tell Jimmy, it might damage my marriage.
CB: I felt like trash.
UA: I still feel like trash.
Again, the crying was nearly finished, so I went one more round:
TH: I feel like trash & I killed that baby, but I know God loves me.
EB: I feel so ashamed, but I know Jesus died on the Cross for me & this shame.
SE: I feel so guilty because I killed my baby, but I know Jesus loves me very much.
UE: I let men use me because I wouldn’t stand up for myself, like I didn’t stand up for myself when I was 12.
UL: I think I can let myself forgive me because God loves me & forgives me.
CH: I think I can forgive myself because Jesus forgives me.
CB: I do forgive myself.
UA: I do forgive myself because Jesus has forgiven me & has tossed those sins as far as the east is from the west.
Annette was down to a 2 on the sexual immorality guilt & shame and she wanted to leave just a little to remind her of how she had behaved in her younger years & to keep her from never taking for granted all the forgiveness God and other people have given her for these issues. That was her choice and I honored that, as I know that at times that the SUDS of 2 might well drop lower as the calm & peace of the EFT effects set in.
We next tackled the 10 SUDS issue of weight:
TH: I was bigger than my older sisters by the time I was 8.
EB: I’m not heavy, I’m big-boned everyone told me.
SE: I’m so ashamed of my size.
UE: I look like Dad & he always had weight issues.
UL: I figured I would always be fat like Dad since I looked like him.
CH: I was bigger than Sis and that made me feel fat.
CB: I think I can forgive myself for my weight.
UA: I know I can forgive myself for my weight.
We did a 2nd round on this with the second round emphasizing the forgiveness part a bit more and this weight issue dropped like a rock to a big fat 0! Pun intended!
Annette was elated on how wonderfully relieved she felt and wanted to leave the session right there. Her following comment emphasis revolved around the Christian aspect of forgiveness and “how much God does love me”, which she says, “I needed to hear, so thank you.” I gave her instructions to keep tapping daily, but not to neglect her prayers, confessing her sins daily, particularly making sure she went over her day with the kids mentally and tapping away any problems or issues, so they didn’t build up into some larger emotional issue. She is to call me to set up another appointment when she is ready, or email me if she gets stuck, allowing me to help her frame out the wording, etc.
It was a classic EFT session, Christian style. I checked on her via email the next day and Annette was thrilled because “I feel so calm today and I don’t know why!” I giggled and told her, it is the EFT. That’s the way it works!
3/12/12 Another text arrived from Annette thanking me again for taking time to tap with her. “I’ve never had this much peace in my life. Many of my fears and anxieties are gone. I’ve lived with those for years. God is so good. I’m grateful He sent me to you. I’m sorry Bill died, but what a benefit to me that he did. I reconnected with you.”