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EFT and Matrix Reimprinting Resolve Issues with Ex-HusbandTransform your beliefs transform your life book

Dear EFT Community,

Here, EFT practitioner, Alice Grange, reveals how she used a combination of EFT and Matrix Reimprinting to help a client heal her relationships with her ex-husband and the family members upset with her for ending the marriage.

-EFTUniverse


By Alice Grange

I just finished the sixth EFT session with Melinda, a woman who originally contacted me because I specialize in helping women heal from their mother wounds.

After doing some substantial work on her relationship with her mother, we moved on to other relationships. 

During our sessions, she released a lot of grief, guilt, and hurt about the end of her marriage (she had initiated the end after many years of trying to make it better), the effect on her almost adult children, and the reactions of her parents and other relatives.

Most of the latter sided with her ex-husband, which didn't feel at all fair or understandable to her until we released the feelings she had been experiencing as a result.

At our last session, at first she couldn't find anything to work on.

She reported having recently spoken to her dad (he initiated the conversation—it is amazing what can happen when we work with energy!) and it had been a good and supportive talk. Interestingly, she found herself not needing his approval anymore. (He had been her employer and fired her when she left her husband, which had been quite a shock and very painful.) 

In our earlier sessions, after working a bit on her relationship with her ex-sister in law, who didn't know what to say to Melinda, we moved on to her feelings about her ex-husband, who had tried to make some of the changes she had wanted him to make, near the end of their marriage.

This was too little and too late for Melinda, though.

Though she feels that he is a good man, he was just not the man for her and when she checked on her current feelings about him, she found she was concerned about how he was feeling, how much he was hurting.

I asked Melinda if she would like to do some surrogate tapping on her ex in the Matrix [terminology used in Matrix Reimprinting] and she agreed.

This is where it began to get really interesting!

After finding him in the Matrix, explaining to him about tapping, and asking whether he was willing to have Melinda support him with tapping, we checked in with how he was feeling.

He indicated that he was really sorry and hurt but he knew that he couldn't make Melinda happy and that she deserves better than he gave her. (At this point, Melinda started to cry.) He really wanted her to be happy so we began to tap on the sorry feeling (which was 9 out of 10, lodged in his heart, looked red, and felt like a liquid). We also tapped on his hurt feeling, which was a 7 out of 10.

After a round in which his numbers went down significantly, we began working on forgiveness.

Forgiveness toward himself and toward Melinda! They then began a dialogue in which both forgave each other and themselves and acknowledged that each had done the best they knew how to do at the time. There was plenty of time given to allow him to say anything he wished he had said to Melinda in the past, and for her to do the same with him. The tears were really flowing at this point and the relief Melinda was feeling was palpable, even though we were working over Skype. 

Before we began the imprinting, we checked back in with the ex and the feelings in his heart. The sorry feeling that had become sorrow was now a 1 out of 10 and the hurt feelings were down to a 2. 

We began the reimprinting process with Melinda, and then quickly moved to her ex and imprinted it into him. After his brain and body were full of the feelings of forgiveness and peace, Melinda sent the new memory to her children, her parents, her husband's relatives, and her own sibling.

Once she was finished with that process we checked in with her and she reported feeling good and at peace.

After spending some time going over my notes from our previous sessions, I pointed out how frustrated, fearful, sad, angry, alone, abandoned, nervous, guilty, and depressed she had been feeling a little over a month before (we met weekly during that time). We compared all that to her current feelings of peace, personal responsibility, being relaxed, and in a good place.

She also had a good idea of the niche she wanted to focus on her new business on, now that she is no longer working for her father!

It felt like our work together was finished, so I wished her luck on her future, asked her to send me the announcement of her new website/business, and left the door open should she ever want to come back for a tune-up.

Personally, I felt quite excited about the potential to combine EFT and Matrix Reimprinting, with surrogate tapping and my training and experience mediating with couples in crisis.

It is never too late to heal a difficult relationship, even if the relationship has changed substantially.

Shame and Guilt Alleviated with EFT

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. If you're a newcomer, please download our free Get Started Package, and refer to the EFT Books and EFT workshops for a more complete understanding. You will find our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy here, our Disclaimer here, and our Copyright Notice here. Please refer to a physician for all medical issues.

Shame and Guilt Alleviated with EFT

Dear Readers,

Elizabeth James from Australia writes with a detailed and wonderful case study of working with a woman ridden with guilt over a failed "arranged style marriage."

-Will M.


Elizabeth James, EFT INT-1

Prepared 31 May 2012

EFT Case Study – (1)

Isabella, not her real name, is a 27-year-old retail manager of a successful health food store in the city, she is first generation Australian with Lebanese parents, she has 2 sisters. In her own words, she has had a string of “bad relationships”, since her “arranged style marriage” broke up, at 19. Her marriage was short and broke down in part when she began to have an affair. Her family, in particular parents, were very disappointed in her and Isabella feels stuck and has a constant feeling of guilt.

Rapport/What to expect

Isabella attended one of my Yoga classes. On arrival she was almost in tears due to lack of sleep and pain in her lower back and hips, she had been to the Osteopath twice during that week without any measurable results or change in her condition. During savasana (deep relaxation) she was very emotional, so I used a gentle pressing of EFT acupoints on her without speaking, the emotion settled and dispersed.

After class I told her about the EFT Technique, telling her that it was like emotional acupuncture and that she may find some relief if she were to have a session, she said that she was pretty sure what she was feeling in her body had some relationship with her feelings and emotions. She made an appointment to deal with her physical pain and hopefully get to the source of why she was feeling so emotional.

At the beginning of her first session she mentioned that she thought that she had a spiritual healer do the same technique on her a couple of years previously but without any memorable effect and that she was probably not ready for it at that time. When she  arrived for her first session I made her welcome, got her comfortable and ensured she had a glass of water. I spent a few minutes explaining what EFT is and the science behind it and provided her some examples of how EFT had worked with people's issues and how effective it has been on people suffering from emotional issues i.e.: War veterans, people with depression and anxiety.

I showed Isabella the tapping points and asked her to follow what I was about to do and to repeat what I would say except if that wasn’t accurate, and if that happened, to ensure she say what was true for her in her own words to guide me in being as effective as possible during the session. I asked her to notice what thoughts; feelings and memories came up for her and their intensity as we went through the session.

EFT Session

I asked Isabella what she would like to work on and she began to tell me that her life has not been the same since her marriage breakdown at 19. She began to get emotional and started crying, I immediately began tapping on her and asked her to tell me what she was feeling and its intensity. She was feeling stuck (10/10), she was never going to be able to move past it (9/10), life is a struggle (8/10) and since she was 19 all her relationships have been bad or ended up bad (8/10). We began with feeling stuck as it had the highest SUDS level.  When I asked where she felt ‘feeling stuck’ in her body, she replied in her lower back and stomach. I asked her if it had a color and a shape to it; it was a heavy gray mass in both areas.

We began tapping generally on ‘Feeling stuck” by doing a few rounds of – KC Point - Even though I feel stuck and I have this heavy grey mass in my lower back and stomach, and I am never going to be able to move past it, I deeply and completely love and accept myself x3.

Then reminder phrases –

This heavy mass of grey stuckness in my lower back and stomach;

I am ready to give myself permission to release it now;

My body and my mind have been protecting me and it’s now time to move on and have freedom in my life;

I have been feeling stuck since I was 19, I don’t want to be feeling stuck all my life, this has got to stop;

After a few rounds, I asked her to take a deep breath, to rate her “feeling stuck” now (6/10) and to tell me what memories had come up for her.  She said that she remembered her family’s disappointment when her marriage broke up and that she felt guilty and ashamed of herself for being different and stepping outside of the cultural mold.

I asked her what the strongest memory of guilt and shame was around the time of her marriage breakup (getting more specific).  I asked her to describe it to me like she was watching a scene from a movie (Movie Technique), She told me about the specifics of when she told her parents that she didn’t want to be married anymore, I asked her to rate that specific memory now (a 9 /10).  I asked her where the emotion peaked during that situation; it was seeing the disappointment on her parent's face, her mother crying and her Dad’s disapproval and saying ‘why do you cause so many problems, why are you such a difficult child?”  She said she felt like a disappointment, that this feeling was stronger and more all-consuming, she felt incredible guilt and shame (9/10).

I asked her to describe where each of these were in her body and their color, she felt it only in her stomach now, and she now also felt very bloated, it was now a heavy grey bloated mass (chasing the pain) and we began to tap on this issue.

KC Point - Even though I feel guilty and ashamed of who I am and my parents think I am a disappointment and I feel this heavy grey bloated mass in my stomach, I deeply and completely love and accept myself x 3.

Reminder phrases – My parents think I am a disappointment;

I have made my parents unhappy; my family doesn’t seem the same since my divorce;

Everything has gone pear shaped since I was 19;

I feel so guilty about disappointing my parents;

I am ashamed of having an affair and being a disappointment;

I was so young, how was I to know how to handle this situation;

I was way too young to be married:

I have been carrying around this guilt and shame in my stomach for 8 years now;

This feeling of guilt and shame, I am such a disappointment;

This heavy grey bloated mass of guilt and shame, it's so heavy I just want to let it go;

I wonder when I first felt like I was a disappointment;

I asked her to take a deep breath and drink some water and to tell me about her first memory of being a disappointment. She was sighing and yawning by this time and said she felt lighter in the stomach and the intensity had dropped to (4/10).  She said her first memory of feeling like a disappointment was when she was in Siena, Italy with her Mum & Aunty when she was about 9 years old and she was always the chubbier child and her Aunty said she was fat and needed to lose weight! I asked her to rate her feeling of guilt and shame in relation to this memory of her Aunty (4/10) and it was still a heavy grey mass of bloatedness in her stomach.

We began to tap on this issue;

Even though Aunty called me fat and told me I needed to lose weight and I was only 9 year old and I felt guilty and ashamed because I was such a disappointment, I deeply and completely love and accept myself x 3. I asked Isabella to imagine herself as that little 9 year old girl, and asked her as her 27 year old self, what she would like to say to herself as that child.

She said it was OK and that she was a gorgeous little girl and that she loves her. I then asked her if her 9 year old self had anything to say, she said “thank you for taking care of me, I am OK now”. Isabella started to giggle, I asked her what she was feeling, she said she realized that she had been living her life as a child and it was time to step into being an adult (cognitive shift).

I asked her to tune into the memory of her parents reaction when she told them about her marriage breakup. She said she felt lighter and compassion for herself and the responsibility and decisions she had to make as a 19 year old, with the cultural challenges she had (0/10). She tuned into the memory of her Aunty calling her fat and overweight, she didn’t feel anything (0/10). We tested “feeling stuck” (0/10).

We then created who she wanted to be now that she was unstuck, she said she wanted to feel confident, calm and free, and she felt that in her whole body and it was yellow. We did a couple of rounds of tapping in her new way of being, she was visibly happier, brighter and clearly excited about what life now held for her.

I let her know that this work can be very subtle and to be aware of any thoughts, memories and feelings that come up in the next few days, I made her aware that there may be other issues or aspects arise due to the depth of the work that we had done and to tap on anything that came up and if she felt that she would like to have another session to call me, as doing EFT can sometimes be a little like peeling an onion. Isabelle left feeling “amazing"!

by Elizabeth James, EFT INT-1

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to get our Free EFT Get Started Package or our EFT Books and EFT Trainings for a more complete understanding. For more, read our EFT Info and Disclaimer Document.

“I Want Him Back, even if it’s a Rotten Relationship!”

Dear Readers,

In this article, Patzia Gonzalez illustrates how persistence in working with the inability to let go of a relationship finally brings healing and new insights for her client.

-Will M.


By Patzia Gonzalez

Letting go of a relationship is a very hard thing to do. In Spanish we have a saying that loosely translates into: the evil you already know is better than the good you may have in the future.

"Yolanda" contacted me on Skype from Mexico and she told me she had been trying to free herself from this issue for 5 years and despite all her EFT work on herself (she has all the DVD's and has studied them), she still can't be at peace with this issue of rejection/failed relationship and just let it go.

Yolanda shared how she had been living with "Pedro" and hoping they would some day marry. They had been together for 7 years, and two years after they started living together, she found out he was also seeing another woman. During five years, Pedro and Yolanda lived together half the week, and the other half he lived with another woman. Yolanda kept hoping he would eventually choose her as she was sure he was the love of her life and they were destined to be together. Two months ago, Pedro told Yolanda he was going to marry the other woman and left, leaving her "devastated."

Yolanda had been tapping on her feelings of betrayal, abandonment and grief, but had not had much success. She wanted to be done with this situation and recover her confidence and joy. Mostly she was ok during the day, but felt miserable at night.

The hardest thing was to get Yolanda to focus on ONE event, and only one. She kept jumping from one thing to another, so I asked about her worst memory to help her focus: it was the day Pedro told her he was leaving and getting married. Pedro had asked her to drive him to the airport, and invited her to have some coffee after he had checked in at the airline counter. Yolanda knew he wanted to say something important to her, and she hoped he would propose. Instead, he told her he was leaving, marrying the other woman and would not be seeing her again.

I asked Yolanda to check her breathing, and she was almost not breathing at all (a two on a scale of ten). So we started by working with her constricted breath. We did several rounds until finally she was breathing at a 9.5! It was very hard to keep her focused on that one event. I asked her to give this event a title, and she called it "The Airport Betrayal," and she was a ten.

We tapped on;

Even though I have this Airport Betrayal movie… and remaining airport betrayal till it came down to a one. She then said she felt sad, and her sadness was a ten; and she still wanted him back even if he said he wanted to marry the other woman. So we tapped on:

Even though I have this sadness…

Even though Pedro said he wanted to marry that other woman and I still want him back…

We did a couple of rounds alternating between: Pedro said he wanted to marry that other woman and I want him back.

We also tapped on:

Even though I was hoping he would propose and he said goodbye…

Even though his voice was unsteady…

Even though I'm sure she bewitched him, because he loves me…

Yolanda discovered that underneath the sadness she had a layer of anger at herself because she had believed in him and he had fooled her.

Even though I have this anger…

Even though I am angry at myself because I believed in Pedro, I forgive myself for my part in this. (I decided to leave the forgiveness for him for a little later in the session).

Yolanda said she felt guilty for letting Pedro go. She had tried being "so good" so he would want to be with her, and it had not been enough. I asked if she had any physical sensations as she said that, and she had a lump in her throat that felt like a burning coal, and it was a ten.

We tapped on:

Even though I have this lump in my throat…

We did three sets of the complete recipe on the lump in her throat, complete with the 9 gamut till it finally disappeared.

Yolanda was feeling calmer but there was a lot more work to be done. We had come to the end of our session. She had hoped for a one minute miracle or even a one session miracle and was somewhat disappointed that that hadn't happened. She said she kept "obsessing, and cannot separate from him & feelings of abandonment." We worked on this event for four more sessions.

Some of the setup phrases we used during those sessions were:

- Even though I need him to feel good about myself, I deeply & completely love and accept myself and choose to feel good even without him.

- Even though I resist the idea that he left me because I want him back and can't live without him, I deeply & completely love and accept myself and choose to feel good even without him.

- Even though Pedro doesn't know what he's missing and I want to stay stuck in feeling miserable so he'll repent and come back, I deeply & completely love and accept myself and choose to feel good even without him.

- Even though he's the love of my life and I refuse to let him go…

- Even though I would rather keep sharing him than losing him…

Yolanda had a hard time with this one. She said she never wanted to "share" him, but had gone along with it so that he would come to the realization that she was the ONE.

  • Even though I never wanted to share him, but did…
  • Even though I shared him in the hopes he would realize I was the one, and he chose otherwise…

In the fifth session, we were finally able to go over the “Airport Farewell” movie step by step as there were many aspects: driving to the airport, the coffee shop, his tone of voice, the look in his eyes, the shock of hearing he opted for the other woman, his saying he hoped they would remain friends.

When we went through the whole "movie" and there was no remaining intensity, Yolanda looked at me and said: "You know, my mother never had a happy relationship with a man; I guess I learned I couldn't either, I am just like her. That's why I put up with this situation, but I can love my mother and have a happy co-committed relationship. Now I know what to keep working on.”

I am always amazed at the insights that pop up when the energy constriction has been released. Yolanda was willing to persevere for more than one session, and finally arrived at a core issue. She has been working with me on this as she wants to solve the relationship with her mother so she can have a happy and satisfactory relationship with a man.

Patzia Gonzalez

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and visit Patzia's website.

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to get our Free EFT Get Started Package or our EFT Books and EFT Trainings for a more complete understanding. For more, read our EFT Info and Disclaimer Document.

Feelings of Abandonment, Sadness, Worthlessness Disappear with EFT

Dear Readers,

EFT helps Jenny Johnston's client move quickly from seemingly overwhelming feelings of abandonment to smiling and looking forward to an exciting new life.

-Will M.


By Jenny Johnston

EFT Case Study – Sally

Feelings of abandonment, sadness, worthlessness.

Client History – Sally, (not her real name), is a 48 year old cook with 2 adult children who do not live with her.  Her husband left her 2 and a half years ago (which surprised her, her friends and her family – no-one saw it coming) and her father left when she was 5 years old.  She lives alone and has a history of drinking one and a half bottles of wine a day and smokes marijuana daily (since her husband left her).  She came to me wanting to rid herself of her x-husband memories that haunted her daily and made her cry.

Rapport/What to expect – Sally had found my brochure on a noticeboard at a local Post Office and rang me the week before the appointment.  I explained on the phone how EFT would benefit her from the emotionally charged memories and feelings she was experiencing about her husband leaving, which led to her wine drinking and smoking.

When she arrived, I smiled and offered her a chair and a drink of water and asked her to complete my ‘Confidential Client Information’ Form.  I also completed her genogram, which told me a lot about her family background (as explained in client history) and I completed a “Luscher Colour Assessment” with her also, which told me that she wanted change, had difficulty with a relationship and had had heartbreak in the past.  It also said that she wanted happiness, joy and energy in her life but was stopped because of a lack of peace around her physical self, the body, the home, feeling grounded. (She felt that to be all very accurate).

I explained to her a little about how EFT works (the science of it) and gave her examples of how it had worked on past clients who had similar issues and on Vietnam Veterans, who had been able to take the emotional charge and accompanying physical symptoms out of their war memories.  She was keen to get started.  I began by showing her all the meridian points and by telling her that when we tapped, she was to follow me and say what I say but to change what I was saying if she wanted to make it more real/true for her.  I asked her to notice what thoughts, feelings and memories came up for her and their intensity, as we tapped so that we could discuss them at the end of the tapping rounds.

EFT Session – I asked Sally what emotions she was feeling at the moment and to rate them out of 10. She replied - Abandonment (10/10), Sadness (8/10) and Worthlessness (9/10).

We began with abandonment (as it was the highest), however, I explained to her that they were all probably linked and that as we worked on one, she may find that the others come down in intensity too (generalisation).  When I asked where she felt ‘abandonment’, she replied in her head, chest and shoulders.  I asked her to describe what colour and shape it had, if it had a colour and a shape.  She described it as a heavy, dark purple blob.

So we began tapping generally on ‘abandonment’ by doing a few rounds of –

CC Point - Even though I have this dark purple, heavy blob of abandonment in my head, chest and shoulders, I deeply and completely love and accept myself x3.

Then reminder phrases –

This dark purple, heavy blob of abandonment in my head, chest and shoulders,

I’m willing to look at how it got there now,

It’s time I look at this abandonment issue once and for all and deal with it so it no longer affects my life,

I choose to get to the bottom of it and find a positive outcome,

I choose to consider being able to release it.

After a few rounds, I asked her to take a deep breath, to rate her abandonment now (8/10) and to tell me what memories had come up for her.  She said that she cries every second night thinking about her x-husband and when he left her.  I asked her what was the strongest memory of abandonment in relation to her husband leaving her (getting more specific).  She told me about the specifics of the night he told her he was leaving and that he didn’t love her anymore.  I asked her to rate that specific memory – it was 10/10.  I asked her to describe that memory to me in detail and to tell me where the crescendo of emotion was (it was when he said that he didn’t love her anymore).  I asked her if she was feeling sadness and worthlessness with this memory too and she replied that all 3 were 10/10.

As I asked her to describe where each of these were in her body and their colour, it was not surprising to find that they were all in the head, chest, heart, shoulders and were similar colours. So we tapped a few rounds on these feelings, shapes, colours and emotions in the body and then went into the specifics of the Movie technique and that memory of when her husband left, telling her that he didn’t love her anymore.

CC Point - Even though my husband said that he doesn’t love me anymore and he left me and I didn’t see it coming and neither did anyone else, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyhow.

Even though I feel this ‘I don’t love you anymore’ feeling in my head, heart and shoulders, I love and accept myself anyhow.

Even though my husband left me because he didn’t love me anymore and I made that mean that I’m worthless and abandoned, he left because he left and that’s all and I love and accept myself deeply and completely.

Reminder phrases –

My husband left me;

he said he didn’t love me anymore;

I didn’t see it coming;

it surprised everyone;

I couldn’t believe he was leaving me;

I was taken by surprise;

this surprised feeling of abandonment in my head, shoulders, heart and chest;

I feel abandoned and worthless;

this sad, abandoned feeling,

my husband left me;

I’m all alone;

this worthless, abandoned feeling,

this dark purple abandoned feeling when my husband left me,

when he said that he doesn’t love me;

it reminds me of when my Dad left me when I was 5;

why do people I love leave me;

this remaining feeling of being abandoned by my husband;

I made it mean that I was worthless;

my husband left because he left and HE didn’t love me anymore and I made it mean that I was abandoned and worthless;

this remaining, sad, worthless abandonment I decided to feel when my husband left.

I asked her to take a deep breath and drink some water and to describe abandonment, sadness, worthlessness in her body now and rate it again in relation to her husband leaving and saying that he didn’t love her anymore.  She was smiling a little and said that abandonment, sadness and worthlessness was now down to 5/10 when thinking about her husband but now she was feeling abandoned, sad and worthless from her Dad leaving when she was 5 (Core Issue). (I decided to go straight to the Core Issue of her Dad leaving and to come back to her husband leaving her after as it would most likely come down in intensity from working on the core issue with her Dad.)

I asked her to rate these feelings in relation to her Dad and the memory of him leaving and they were all back up to 8/10 (Core issue). I asked her where she felt them in her body and she said that it was now a dark smoky grey colour in her ‘tummy’ (a 5 year old version of stomach).

So we began tapping on the Movie memory of her Dad leaving and her feelings of being abandoned and how her Mum had for years told them that their Dad abandoned them, tapping on the memories and the colours and feelings in her tummy. The feelings of abandonment, sadness and worthlessness were now down to 4/10 and I began to bring in re-frames to the following rounds such as,

Even though my Dad left me, he must have loved me to call me out to the car to say Goodbye; Even though my Dad left me, he gave us the best life he could by leaving as he was a gambler and a drinker and abused Mum and us (she offered this part);

My Dad loved me so much that he left me and my brother and sister and my Mum to give us a better life;

he loved us so much that he did the best thing he could for us by leaving;

we had a wonderful life after that with a new Dad;

I may even be able to forgive and thank my Dad for loving us so much to leave us and let us have a better life;

my Dad left us to let us have a wonderful life and we did;

I am grateful to my Dad for leaving us;

my Dad loved me enough to leave me.

Sally was smiling now and when I asked her to say out loud, “My Dad abandoned me” and to rate it out of 10, she said it and smiled and said “My Dad abandoned me” and then she said my Dad left me because he loved me and I feel no abandonment or sadness or worthlessness.  In fact, I forgive him for leaving and I’m grateful for the great life we were able to have because he had gone.(cognitive shift).

I asked her to tune into the memory again (and close her eyes) of her Dad leaving her and saying Goodbye and him driving off and to see if the charge went up at all.  She said that it didn’t.  I then asked her to tune into her husband leaving and to rate feelings of abandonment, sadness and worthlessness.  She said that she couldn’t feel any of them. I asked her to say out loud,  “My husband left me and he said that he didn’t love me”.  She did so and smiled and said that he left me and that’s all, she had 1/10 sadness but that’s all.  We did a further few rounds on looking forward to an exciting life now that she was clear to have love in her life again as her x-husband had provided a clearing for her to now have.  She tapped that she was grateful for the love that they had shared in the past and for the 2 great children they had had together and that now she was free to look forward to someone new coming into her life just as a really great, new Dad had come into her life after her Dad had left. 

After these last few rounds of tapping, she was yawning and couldn’t get the smile off her face. (Big shifts from when she had come in).

I let her know that if other memories or feelings came up during the week (I described peeling the onion layers and ‘aspects’) at home before our next session, to tap on the feelings and memories as homework and that next week we would have a Matrix Re-imprinting session for her 5 year old Echo (I explained about Matrix Re-imprinting) and she left smiling, feeling empowered and looking forward to our next session.

Jenny Johnston

EFT Practitioner

Jenny is an EFT Universe Trainer in Melbourne, Australia. Jenny is also a Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner, a Clinical Hypnotherapist and an Occupational Therapist and loves to work with Veterans with PTSD and others who have traumatic backgrounds. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and visit her website.

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. If you're a newcomer, please download our free Get Started Package, and refer to the EFT Books and EFT workshops for a more complete understanding. You will find our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy here, our Disclaimer here, and our Copyright Notice here. Please refer to a physician for all medical issues.

How to use EFT Tapping for Divorce Recovery

Dear EFT Community,

EFT trainer, Rob Nelson writes us with a short case history on how he utilized EFT to help a woman release her anger at her husband at his declaration of divorce. The anger dissipates quickly, but Rob continues to work with the client to address possible future issues. 

-EFTUniverse


By Rob Nelsontapping deep intimacy

“Mary” came to me a few weeks after her husband had suddenly declared their marriage over, and moved out.  

She hadn’t seen this coming, even though he’d become increasingly distant over the last year or so. 

Now, she’d discovered he’d been having an affair with a younger woman.  

On the phone, Mary had told me she was afraid she’d never be able to trust another man, and that was why she was coming to see me.

Over the years I’ve been lucky enough to work with a number of clients struggling with painful break ups.  

I say “lucky” because there is a moment in one’s life where tremendous growth can occur, and EFT has come through every time.  Even though the pain and distress are overwhelming at first, the recovery process is usually swift, exciting and very satisfying.

When Mary showed up, she was awash in painful emotions, and declared herself a “17” on our ten point scale.  

Anger and betrayal were top of her list, but cleared right away with fairly straightforward tapping:

“Even though I have this anger…”

“Even though he lied to me, and made it seem all my fault…”

“Even though I didn’t see it coming…”

Once this anger was mostly discharged, a much deeper layer of hurt was exposed.  This came as a surprise to Mary.  She’d been using her anger to keep the focus on her ex and away from these more difficult feelings.  

As we tapped on “this hurt” it became clear how much these feelings were tied to feeling inadequate, unlovable and always to blame.  They extended into her past, far beyond the divorce trauma.

We spent the rest of this first session tapping away these hurt feelings and by the end Mary was actually laughing.  She felt vastly better, and even though she was mystified as to how it had happened, she really didn’t care. 

 It would have been tempting to stop right there, and call it good, but in my experience there are two more important layers to deal with.  Mary was happy to come back for “round two.”

When Mary returned she was still feeling much better, but although she was no longer drowning in raw emotion, she still couldn’t get her mind off of the circumstances leading up to her break up, and especially her ex (the last person on earth she wanted to be thinking about).  Addressing this kind of compulsive thinking is the next step.

Luckily, because these thoughts are recurring and relentless, it doesn’t take much detective work to find them.  In Mary’s case, she was stuck on all the ways her husband had blamed her for his infidelity.  

We tapped on:

“Even though he blames me and that’s totally unfair…”

“Even though part of me is worried that I wasn’t good enough in bed…”

“Even though he chose a much younger woman to boost his ego, because he’s afraid of getting older, he had the nerve to put it all on me…”

Some folks have a lot of these obsessive thoughts, and it can take a session or two to clear them.  They often seem linked to long held relationship patterns.  I believe this is one of the great opportunities of the divorce recovery—it sets the stage for replacing these old patterns and emotional baggage with fresh insights.  This can be very exciting!

As the weight of the past is released, our focus tends to shift to the future. After all of that pain and trauma, starting over can be a terrifying prospect, so here is our “round three.”

I’ve noticed that many clients want to swear off all relationships forever.  

Our tapping will focus on “my past is not my future.”

“Even though I NEVER want to go through that again…”

“Even though I’ve made a solemn vow to protect myself…”

“Even though (my ex) got in under my radar, and I must not be a very good judge of character and how can I trust myself to choose wisely next time…”

On one hand, some clients feel so desperately lonely they will “rebound,” replacing their ex with all possible speed.  This was Mary’s situation.  She’d reconnected with an old high school flame just before we began working together.  As she became stronger, more centred and self-assured, Mary saw that her new beau was very needy and taking up way too much of her time and energy.  That was okay at first, when Mary was just as needy herself and wanted distraction.  

Now it was another problem to tap about.

“Even though “Jim” is taking up all of my time and energy and I really deserve and want better for myself, I’m afraid of being alone.  But I choose to love and accept myself anyway, and I forgive myself rushing into this relationship…”

“Even though I may have to let him go and be on my own for a while, I am stronger now and know I can handle it…”

In just a few weeks, Mary was able to transform the agony of her divorce into new strength, freedom and excitement to live a much happier life.  This is the magic of EFT tapping for divorce recovery.

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