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Don't Let Erectile Dysfunction Stop You

Don't Let Erectile Dysfunction Stop YouEFT Tapping Sequence


By Nancy Morris, EFT INT-1, Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner

When Steven contacted me regarding getting help with his ED, he explained that he had been married for a very long time, was now divorced, and recently had a new woman in his life who he loved dearly.

Everything was perfect except that they wanted a very active sex life and he was having problems getting and maintaining an erection which made penetration unpredictable or impossible.

Other aspects of their sex life were wonderful and satisfying (this is always helpful as it takes some of the pressure off), but they both wanted to be able to enjoy intercourse.

He had tried medication, both Cialis and Viagra, but neither of them worked for him.

Steven was in excellent health, strong and fit. He told me he had a sense that this issue was caused by his thinking.

Below I will outline how we proceeded in our work. Steven was a terrific client, open and honest about his feelings and willing to do homework tapping. He really took this on as something that was very important to him. In all we had 10 appointments.

Here is what he wrote at the end of our work together:

“Thanks for helping me completely rebuild my sex life. I could not have done this without your insight, coaching and guidance. You carefully led me through clearing a series of issues that had completely frustrated me for many years. Over the course of three months you helped me dissolve a series of problems that I had built up over a good part of my life. I cannot thank you enough for the joy you brought back into my life. I believe you could help anyone who wants to regain their full sex life. Thanks again!”

We Begin: During our initial consultation Steven told me that his ED problems started in the waning years of his marriage, but he also said that he thought the cause was “in his mind” and came from “early childhood stuff.”

I really make note of what clients say in the initial phone conversation as that often is a good pointer of where to start.

Session 1:

We talked about his feelings: “ashamed, frustrated, scared to try intercourse, fear of failure” and noted where in his body he felt these things (nauseated stomach, catch in the throat) and got an intensity level of 7/8.

We tapped on “I have trouble having intercourse” and “humiliation” came up as a feeling.

This led us to the fact that during the last years of their marriage his ex-wife was capable of saying mean things. We tapped on some of the specific things she said to reduce their charge.

NOTE: I explained to Steven that over years and years we accumulate this stockpile of negative energy from events in our life and, trying to be strong, we do nothing to release this energy. It stays stuck in there.

I encouraged him to think of EFT tapping as a way to shake that old stuck energy loose and let it just flow out of his body. Every time we tapped or he tapped on his own, he’d be chipping away at the old yucky energy.

Session 2:

When I inquired, Steven said he’d tapped every day since our last session and he noticed that he had a problem with loving and accepting himself unconditionally. This turned out to be a most valuable piece of information for his healing ED.

Despite many accomplishments, he felt “I’m not worthy, I’m not a good person” and felt this got cemented in place when he was a teenager.

We tapped on the physical feelings: a rock in his gut that represented sadness and frustration. More inquiry about specific events revealed that though there were no catastrophic events, there was a constant feeling of trying really hard all the time to earn his Dad’s love and attention. A feeling of “never doing enough to deserve love.”

Session 3:

We worked on specific events from his childhood regarding his Dad, especially events where Steven felt neglected and lonely. Feelings of “I’m not important” and not being seen despite trying so hard. In this session we did a Matrix Reimprinting session where Steven was 6 years old when a new baby at home made him feel “invisible, alone, lonely.”

Steven comforted his young self (his echo) and told him, “You haven’t done anything wrong” and “You are a terrific kid” and “ You are lovable just the way you are” and “It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything to cause this.”

This was a very emotional session and Steven had an intense feeling of release.

Session 4:

To get a reading on where we were, I asked Steven to say this statement and let me know how true it felt to him: “I’m not worthy, I’m not a good person.”

He said it had changed a lot in the last few weeks and felt only 16% true. We worked on more specific events from his younger years: a move to another state and a new school. More of feelings of being alone and afraid to not fit in. For homework I asked Steven to think about the thing his Dad said that felt worst to him.

Session 5:

At the beginning of our session Steven said, “I feel like the difficult things are eroding.”

Regarding his homework, he said that there was nothing Dad said, it was what he did not say, i.e., being ignored by Dad. I asked him to close his eyes and picture his Dad ignoring little Steven. His SUDS level was a 5.

We began tapping:

“I need his love, I want him to hug me, I need his attention, I want him to smile at me, it hurts me when he ignores me, I want him to do stuff with me, to tell me he’s proud of me.”

As we tapped the rock in his stomach turned soft and his SUDS went down to a 1.

Session 6:

I checked this statement with him (noticed it is reversed from earlier): “I’m a good person” and he said it felt 70% true now. He also said that the ANXIETY he felt was like “an electric motor hum in the background all his life.”

Now it felt quieter. (Notice that we have not worked directly on his ED problem except in Session #1.) In this session we discovered, through tapping and inquiry that he was constantly “trying to please everyone”. It was a revelation to him that he had this strong “perfectionism” going on.

NOTE: Think of all the pressure we put on ourselves and the anxiety we create inside of us when we want to be perfect and please everyone. Anxiety is a real problem/cause of ED.

Session 7:

Steven reported feeling 90–99% true “I’m a really good person.”

Now I thought it was time to address the ED more directly. I checked for limiting beliefs by having him rate the “trueness” of these statements: “Sex is a performance”, “The Man must orchestrate sex”, “The Man must always want to have and be ready for sex”, “Sex should be spontaneous” and several others.

We talked about these beliefs and the idea that it was really The Couple (not The Man) who is responsible for how it goes. This is called a reframe.

Session 8:

Checked to see if there were any issues/resentments with his current partner; there were none. Steven said his erections were still unpredictable and felt a “mental inhibition.” I had him say: “I deserve a terrific sex life” and he immediately said “No.”

I checked for secondary benefits to not having reliable erections… what might this give him? He was able to identify that he felt guilty. He’d been married and promised loyalty to his wife and promised never to leave. He felt like a bad person for leaving.

We tapped on this aspect and I gave him homework tapping.

Session 9:

I checked “I deserve to have satisfying intercourse” and that was 100% true. We did more tapping on “I didn’t keep my commitment to my wife and I feel bad about myself” until it was down to 0 SUDS level.

Then we focussed on all the effort he put into making the marriage work and forgiving himself for disappointing his family, his ex-wife and his kids. He reported that now the Cialis and Viagra worked and the the “intimacy level was terrific”. We focussed on positive expectations and sending more energy to his groin and penis to sustain erections.

For homework I asked him to think about where this energy would come from?

Session 10:

Steven reported that the “trajectory is really positive”, “major major changes” and that they’d “had intercourse for 4 nights in a row following our last session.”

This let me know that it was not too soon to start going toward the positive (as we did in our last session). Regarding homework question, he said that the energy would come from “heart emotion” and an “attitude of enjoying a challenge” which he identified with from his days of competing in sports.

He felt energized by the thought: “Oh boy, let’s see if we can do this!” and felt he could apply this attitude to his positive EFT tapping.

He would summon the energy/force from all over his body. In the rest of the session we worked on more specific events from childhood using the Movie Technique. Steven realized that as a kid he had felt “resigned." That “this is the way it is and there is nothing I can do about it.”

This was very emotional for him and a real insight about how this “resignation” had influenced the way he handled a lot of situations in his life.

Session 11:

Yes, we had this scheduled but it only lasted 10 minutes. He said he was having regular intercourse, sometimes with and sometimes without medication.

That his mental state felt altered; resignation never enters into his thought process; feels “present” now instead of dwelling in the past; feels very efficacious now and “a lot of the ‘static’ that was in the way is gone.”

Summary:

It’s a lot to read, but if you are enduring sexual problems, it may be helpful to really see what the process can be to resolve them. Sometimes it looks like an indirect route, but once we feel more self accepting and less self critical, often sexual problems resolve quite easily. 

Note: This article assumes you have a working knowledge of EFT. Newcomers can still learn from it but are advised to get our Free EFT Get Started Package or our EFT Books and EFT Trainings for a more complete understanding. For more, read our EFT Info and Disclaimer Document. Please refer to a physician for all medical issues.

EFT Uncovers Core Issue Behind Impotence

Dear EFT Community,

In this article, EFT coach Alice Grange describes the process she and her client Jason followed to uncover the root of his problems with impotence. The core issue will likely surprise you, as it did them.

-Stephanie M 


By Alice Grange

When we began "Jason's" first EFT session, he wanted to work on his sadness, disappointment, frustration, and judgment about ongoing impotence issues, so we started by doing a bit of a sexual history and tapped on the feelings he identified.

His first marriage was passionate and yet unhappy. His second one, while compatible in other ways, was difficult because of his sexual dysfunction and eventually ended in divorce. Having recently started seeing someone, Jason was especially keen to work on this issue, as he feared that he would lose her if he couldn't "get it up." 

Although initially there seemed (to me) to be a clear link between his visit to India just prior to his second marriage and his subsequent equation of spirituality with celibacy, our excursions down that road didn't seem to get to the root of the issues.

Interestingly, what did was when we explored the fact that he was adopted and given up at 1 month of age. This brought up some feelings about the necessity to be a good boy or he would be given up again.

After tapping on that for a few more rounds, we went to an intriguing place. 

Jason has a sense that he was the product of a rape, and, as it came out subsequently, a gang rape. So we tapped on this and went on to tap on power and powerlessness, on anger, on guilt that his father was a rapist and that Jason is the product of a rape.

His grief and shame was not for himself, but for his mother. Jason is obviously a kind and gentle man who has been suffering all his life, wanting to ensure that he never hurt anyone. The limiting belief that he was somehow responsible for his mother's rape had kept him fearful of his own power, and sexuality, his whole life. 

After reducing the intensity of his grief and anger about the circumstances of his conception, we went on to explore what self-empowerment might look like, what true male power might look like, and tapped in some choices to allow him to feel and claim his own power, both in the bedroom and in the world. 

What this session illustrates so well is the importance of continuing to dig, to find the real roots to an issue. I thought I had it figured out when we started work on the spirituality/sexuality connection!

While this connection no doubt played a role in Jason's impotence, it seems his belief that he was responsible for his mother's pain was really at the core. 

When we finished the session, Jason reported feeling a lot less afraid, much lighter, and like the floodgate had been lifted. He has a new understanding of the difference between self-empowerment, power over, and power with.

He connected with a strong desire to help educate other men on how to treat women with respect and excitement about his mission to help men release their own painful pasts so that they don't perpetuate their own pain and limiting beliefs by abusing the women and children in their lives, or on the streets.

 

 

EFT Helps Erectile DysfunctionEFT for PTSD Dawson Church

Dear EFT Community,

EFT practitioner, Iveren Ityoikaa from Nigeria helped a skeptical acquaintance overcome the trauma of early sexual abuse and regain his self-esteem and sexual function using the classic EFT Movie Technique.

-EFTUniverse


By Iveren Ityoikaa

I had known my client "Andy" for about four years when one afternoon he came to me in a state of agitation. On asking him what was wrong, he said he was in a terrible fix and needed a solution quickly:

Over the past year he had gotten very active in his local church (he had been struggling to start a business with no luck) and as is the custom here ‘good church people’ are expected to be responsibly married within the community as quickly as possible.

Well Andy’s agitation was that a couple of months ago, his pastor had begun the marriage pressurizing which had recently culminated in a ‘good girl’ being presented to him as worthy wife material. Not wanting to offend the pastor and the church community he had accepted the proposal and gone ahead with the marriage arrangements.

Up until this point in the story I couldn’t understand the cause of his distress until he blurted out ‘I need a prostitute to help me.’

Naturally I was curious and asked why. It took quite some prodding but eventually he revealed that he has never been able to have a full erection and as a result has kept away from intimate relationships with women all his life.

I had wondered about this in the past - he was very good at ‘talking up’ ladies as long as they were ‘playing hard to get,’ but as soon as a lady gets interested, he actually flees. He wanted the prostitute to ‘work’ on him so that on the wedding day, he would not ‘disgrace himself, reveal his secret and not be a man’ – he asked if I knew someone that I could direct him to.

I told him that I could help but not in the way he was hoping. Andy was aware of my EFT skills but had always been strongly sceptical and sometimes even outright derisive of the process. It took almost 30 minutes to get him to be willing to try tapping – with the promise that if EFT didn’t work, I would refer him to someone with other skills.

The tapping began with the general ‘Even though I’ve never had an erection, I deeply and completely accept myself.’ Half way through I asked ‘never’? Is that true? He said he had erections when he was younger.

He then went on to reveal that he remembered having his last erection at the age of 9 (he was 34). That of course pointed me to a ‘cause issue’ and I questioned him on it. (I call it a cause issue rather than core issue because I have come across so many issues in the past that I thought were core issues only to have another ‘deeper core issue’ emerge further on. So I simply think of them now as contributing cause issues.)

At first his memory was halting, but suddenly all the memories began to flood in and he started to cry.

His story in brief is: At the age of 7 he was sexually abused by their house maid, then 2 years later at age 9 he was simultaneously abused by their neighbour’s daughter and his aunt. Eventually his mother found out about his aunt and that caused a serious family row and rift which still lasts till this day.

The emotional issues that surfaced were disgust, shame and very high SUD Level 10 for guilt because he enjoyed the act even then. We tapped on all these emotions (used the movie technique for the first abuse at age seven because he kept going to the visual of seeing her ‘so big and ugly sitting on the window sill and asking him to come over’). He was also stuck in the emotion of fear. This one took a while to collapse.

After about 40 minutes of EFT, I noticed he was beginning to get restless, discouraged and self conscious about revealing such dark secrets, so I starting fishing with consequence questions like ‘what do these events mean about the person you are’ (dirty and disgusting, undeserving, a home breaker, lustful).

It was then that I got the bingo flash: I asked him what should be a punishment for someone like that, and it came out in one go without hesitation ‘I should never enjoy sex again.’

I asked why not and he said, because he enjoyed it then and that is enough, considering all the pain it brought into the family. So (all this while still tapping) I asked him if he was aware that some men enjoy sex for 10 years of their lives – he said yes, I kept on increasing the number till I got to men in their eighties still enjoying sex after 6 decades.

Then I asked why he had decided that 2 years of sex life – and a very unfulfilling one at that - should be all his allocated ration in life, and not even properly enjoyed but stolen by older, selfish, lonely women who couldn’t get themselves real men but were so deficient sexually that they had to use a little boy.  I think it was the ‘just 2 years of sex ration’ that did the trick.

He bolted up in his chair looked at me as if I had revealed the location of the holy grail, then suddenly noticed, ‘It’s rising, it’s rising!’ was all he was saying.

He jumped on his feet and started shouting on top of his voice ‘I’m a man, I’m a full man now’ and he was rejoicing so much that it brought tears to my eyes – he seemed to have grown 10 feet taller. He kept on walking round the room, talking and praising God, so that at some point I had to calm him down (the apartments are quite close).

He left a transformed person. He called later that evening to tell me that as soon as he thinks about it he gets an erection, it was unbelievable to him. He kept calling me daily for two weeks to tell me that ‘I’m still on fire’ and he has been ok ever since.

He called off the arranged wedding, left the church, started a new business and is doing well. All just from 45 minutes tapping amazing! He does not attribute to EFT his having started a successful business after 6 years of trying, but I know that the renewed personality and zest of life he got from his new outlook on life contributed to it.

 

 

 

Erectile Dysfunction -- Problem Solved

Nancy Morris works through lots of different aspects with her client which contribute to his ED. After clearing them all with EFT her client has recovered his passion and can once more enjoy a healthy sex life with his partner. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and visit her website.


By Nancy Morris

Before I start, it is important to know that I have “Steve’s” permission to write this case up.   When Steve, who is in his 60’s, contacted me he said he’d had ED since 2002, that prior to that he had no problems with erections at all, that the ED came on gradually, and that he’d had a coronary bypass 5 years ago and was now on two statin drugs.  

I asked many questions about what was going on in 2002 when the ED first occurred.  It was a very stressful time in his life for many personal reasons I won’t go into, and when ED struck, Steve’s partner (we’ll call her Karen) of many years was frustrated.  Even all these years later Steve’s intensity on a scale of 0-10 would go way up thinking about Karen’s reactions.  We used EFT to clear his reaction to her words of “What’s wrong with you?” until it was down to a zero.  Then we tackled his intensity about Karen’s accusation that he was cheating on her, which he had never even thought of in all their years together.  In addition we used EFT to clear any side-effects he might be having from his statin drugs.

During our next appointment I rechecked Steve’s intensity regarding Karen’s response to his ED; it was back up to a 5/6.  As we worked on the specific event again I stressed saying the words with Karen’s critical tone and focused on where exactly in his body he felt the intensity.  We cleared the different emotions he had about this... sadness, self-doubt, and finally anger at Karen.  In addition, new aspects came up for Steve about how he feels when he tries really hard and still disappoints.  This was a clue where to go next.

Our next appointment focused on his feeling “not good enough”.  When I asked him what this reminded him of he said his father had ridiculed him a lot.  We cleared several specific events from his childhood.  We also tapped directly on the ED symptoms and added many phrases asking his body to become strong and directing sexual energy toward his groin.  

To summarize further sessions, I’ll say that we continued to work on specific events that Steve would remember where either his Dad or Karen had embarrassed or ridiculed him.  As we cleared these events, Steve noticed that his energy was increasing and he was feeling very good physically but still the ED remained a problem.   We would start each session with several specific Reversals, such as “Even though a part of me doesn’t feel safe getting hard, I love and accept myself and I want to reclaim my sexuality.”  

Steve’s fear of failure and fear of rejection continued to come up as issues.  We tapped on specific events where he’d heard words like “That’s stupid” or “That’s ridiculous” until each event was reduced to a zero.   In addition Steve wanted EFT tapping homework which he was great about doing between sessions.  One of the tapping phrases I suggested was “Even though ED protected me by helping me get out of a stressful situation, it’s safe to let go of it now.”

Another very specific event came up which seemed very relevant because it occurred when Steve was a boy and he was awoken from a sound sleep by his parents arguing and his father accusing his mother of cheating, just as Karen had accused Steve.  As a boy, Steve was very afraid hearing the yelling, the anger, he knew the accusations were not true, but he was afraid for his Mom, afraid that his parents would break up, and he cried himself to sleep.  It took several rounds of EFT going through all the details and aspects to clear Steve’s reaction to this event and I rechecked to make sure it stayed at a zero.  

During this time Steve noticed that his ED was becoming more intermittent.  He’d be able to have intercourse successfully one night but then not the next.  He also felt that his body was healthy and vibrant and capable, but he’d lost his ability to feel lust/sexual hunger.  Many times he’d mentioned that he’d had a “Puritanical upbringing” so we did specific work on messages he’d received as a young person that “sex is bad”, mostly because it was not mentioned and affection was not shown.

Feeling safe and comfortable is such an important part of being able to enjoy our sexuality; I asked Steve if he felt safe with his current partner and his answer was an unconditional YES.  Even with the ED he had been confidently satisfying her in other ways and this, along with her acceptance (and lack of criticism) was boosting Steve’s confidence.  I suggested this homework “Even though I haven’t felt safe, now I do and it’s OK to feel lust again” and “Even though I haven’t felt safe, now I do and I want to reclaim my sexual hunger” and “Even though I didn’t feel safe, I do now and it’s OK for my body to long for her.”  

At our next session Steve was pleased to report that during this past week he and his loving partner had strong and vigorous sex 4 nights in a row.  And, on the 5th night when things didn’t quite come up to par (pun intended) he felt confident and relaxed pleasing her in other ways.  He felt his confidence was definitely returning and that lovemaking had become very playful again.  Just to cover all the bases, we tapped on having it be OK if there was ED, staying relaxed about it, knowing that occasionally it’s just a good excuse to make love in other ways.

What a joy to work with a person committed to healing their past and having a full and vibrant future.  

Nancy A. Morris, Certified EFT Practitioner

Painful Sex – Resolved in one Session

Painful sex is resolved for a young woman when a conexion is made to feeling invaded when her mother's new boyfriend was invited to live with them when she was a little girl. Roland Bérard shows in this article how investigating further even when the issue seems resolved, brings new information to the surface and reveals the core issue. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and visit Roland's website.

 


 

By Roland Bérard

Shelly (not her real name) came to see me because she had been experiencing pain during sex for quite some time without knowing where this came from.  When I asked her at which moment she felt the pain, she said that it was at the moment of penetration.

I asked Shelly “if there was an emotion to describe what you feel, what would it be?”  She replied: “Anger”, with an intensity level of 5 on a scale of 0-10.  She knew the anger was not directed at her boyfriend, but she could not figure out what triggered it.

We did a couple of rounds of tapping using the set-up phrase:

“Even though I feel anger during penetration, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

After this, I asked Shelly to imagine again the moment of penetration and report what was present.  She said: “Now I feel joy rather than pain.”

We could have stopped there because the level of anger was down to zero and it had been replaced by joy.  However, my intuition led me to explore a little further and so I said to her:

“You know, when I think about penetration, what comes up is something having to do with being invaded…”

To which she immediately replied:

“Oh!  I know where that comes from!  My father died when I was 2 ½ years old and I was raised by my mother.  When I was 8 years, old I came home from Bible Camp only to find that my mother had invited her boyfriend to live with us.  I had not been consulted at all, and at eight years old, there was nothing I could do about it!”

So we continued to tap:

Even though I feel resentment at having been invaded in this way…

Even though I feel angry…

Even though I was not told this was going to happen…

Even though as a little girl, there was nothing I could do or say…

Even though I lost a lot of the attention I used to get from my mother…

Even though I was invaded…

Even though this was not fair…

By then, the feeling of having been invaded went down to zero.

I wished Shelley a “fun” evening and asked her to let me know how it went.  This was her response a few days later:

“We did have a wonderful night, and a few more after that! There was no pain the first night, and a little bit the next night, but I just kept tapping and it got better! Hee, hee.  My boyfriend sends his thanks as well! Lol.

I have done the tapping a few more times since, and am meditating on releasing the old thought patterns. My energy feels much lighter and more open. My periods have now gotten better, with less cramping, although they did get more intense for some time after we met.

And also, I have taken my Level 1 E.F.T and am registered to take 2 and 3 in February and March. Thank you so much for the inspiration, I think I have found a very profound healing tool to use on myself and eventually on my clients. I have been tapping away at my issues with my stepfather, and am happy to say that this was the best Christmas I can remember having in a very long time. We did not fight or even argue, in fact we had a very in depth conversation about the energy shift that is happening in the world right now! Normally I can hardly bear to speak to him about the weather!

I truly believe that my angels guided me to you, to help me along my journey, and point me in the right direction : ) Thanks so much for helping me; you truly gave me a lot of realization!”

Thank you Shelley for sharing this with us!

Roland Bérard

EFT Practitioner, Montréal, Canada

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