EFT for Insomnia after a Relationship Break-up
By Dr. Carol Look
I recently worked with a young man, "Alan" who felt very depressed as a result of a recent break-up with a woman to whom he was engaged to be married. Alan initially contacted me to rid himself of acute insomnia.
Later, he revealed that he thought his sleeping problems might have had something to do with his recent break-up. Aside from the insomnia, Alan experienced himself as powerless over watching television obsessively. He avoided going to bed at night and listened relentlessly to music tapes that his girlfriend had given him.
His presenting emotions included feelings of hurt, deep pain, rejection, self-pity, loneliness, hopelessness, longing, and guilt.
We tapped together for all of the above mentioned issues and feelings.
I called them:
"fear of sleeping",
"fear of going of bed alone",
"deep rejection and hurt",
"sadness over her leaving me".
We used additional setup phrases such as:
"Even though I can't stop thinking about her...""Even though I can't stop listening to her music...""Even though I feel deep grief over this loss..."
We tapped for many rounds during this one session, trying to hit all of the angles (aspects) of the aftermath of the break-up.
Three weeks later, Alan returned for a follow-up session and described his progress as follows: First, Alan said he felt so good he couldn't believe it. He described his body as physically lighter and freer than he had ever remembered. He said he had never believed in the phrase, "people carry around past baggage" but, now he understood exactly what the phrase meant and how it felt to be rid of his baggage.
He said, "I was able to walk down the street with a smile on my face for no good reason."
Alan described how his insomnia had been completely "cured" and how when he sleeps now, it seems much deeper and he wakes up refreshed every morning, no matter what time he gets out of bed. In addition, his friends gave him feedback that was very telling. They said they couldn't believe he was able to have a conversation about HER without being upset.
They remarked on how different he seemed, which of course was deeply satisfying for him. He also noticed he no longer "saw" his ex-girlfriend in every crowd on the street whenever a woman resembling her would walk by.
A surprise test came when a woman on the street walked by wearing the same special perfume Alan had given his girlfriend as a gift. He reported he was able to enjoy the smell, ("after all, it's a nice cologne") rather than "going crazy" with feelings of missing his girlfriend. This truly shocked him. He was also able to hear "their song" and not dissolve into an emotional mess.
Alan has stopped calling his ex-girlfriend, and feels good about the two of them moving on with their lives. He reported he was able to put the relationship into perspective now, knowing he learned a lot from both his girlfriend and the intensity of the relationship. (These are cognitive shifts that were not available to him before.)
Alan decided not to throw out all of her gifts, cards and photographs. Instead, he placed them farther away from his sight. He used to have her picture in his drawer at work where he could see it at any time he felt obsessive about her and the pain of the loss.
Alan was deeply appreciative and felt calm about being single now.