EFT to Stop Being Hard on Yourself
By Julie Howard
I do not deal gently with my faults at all and I do not think my best is good enough. After doing a round of tapping on this, it occurred to me "Would I treat my children the same way I treated myself? No Way." I would not shout at them for making an understandable mistake or tell them their best was not acceptable. So why do I not accept myself? I tapped.
Even though I find it hard to accept myself...
As I tapped, a memory came to me where I was little, maybe 5 or 6, and my mum was shouting at me, "If you don't stop crying right now I will really give you something to cry about." Then she counted to 3 and I knew that if I hadn't stopped crying by the time she reached 3, I would be smacked. This was the core of why I found it hard to express my emotions and why I thought I was so unacceptable.
I have written the following in a second person sense, because Little Julie is my inner child and all these emotions are stored within me at her age and perspective. Adult me can understand and accept my Mum's behaviour, whereas Little Julie can't. So I tapped.
Even though Little Julie didn't feel safe showing her emotions because they were unacceptable, I deeply and completely love and accept Little Julie anyway.
Even though Little Julie was scared Mummy didn't love her and that she was unacceptable, I deeply and completely love and accept all her worries and beliefs.
Even though Little Julie was scared of getting things wrong and Mummy shouting at her, I deeply and completely love and accept Little Julie with all my heart.
I realised that Little Julie did not feel Mummy loved or accepted her and she was scared that she was unlovable because Daddy had left when she was 3 ½ and she was so scared that Mummy would do the same. So she tried to be the best little girl that she could be, so Mummy would love her. Little Julie hid all her bad feelings, was terrified of getting into trouble and didn't think she was good enough.
This was a real "Aha" moment. I have been trying so hard all my life to be perfect so people would love and accept me. I am always scared that people will find out that I am not perfect and won't like me. I really don't love or accept myself. I have also had a real fear of getting into trouble and now I realise that Little Julie was just the same. She was terrified that one day she would do something that would make mummy so angry she would leave because she remembers Daddy shouting at Mummy a lot, which made her cry, and he left. So I tapped.
Even though Little Julie was terrified that she would do something that would make Mummy so angry that she would leave, just like Daddy did, I deeply and completely love and accept Little Julie anyway.
Even though Daddy left because Mummy made him angry I deeply and completely love and accept both my parents.
Even though Mummy wasn't perfect and Daddy left her because of it...
Maybe Mummy found it hard accepting Little Julie's emotions because she couldn't accept her own, maybe Mummy was just scared and didn't know what to do and she did deeply and complete love and accept Little Julie. She just didn't know how to show it.
Maybe Mummy did the best that she could be because she wasn't perfect and she would of been really sad if she had know how Little Julie really felt inside because she did deeply and complete love and accept Little Julie with all her heart.
Maybe Mummy and Daddy just didn't know how to be perfect either, no one had showed them how, they were surround with imperfect people who could only teach them how to be imperfect and that is all they could teach me and maybe that's ok. It would be boring being perfect.
Even though I find it hard to accept that I am not perfect, I AM NOT PERFECT and I deeply and completely love and accept all my imperfections.
Even though I want to be perfect so I can be at peace with myself, maybe I just need to deeply and completely LOVE and ACCEPT myself as I am, to find peace.
Maybe I can be at peace being completely imperfect and I deeply and completely love and accept that idea.
I now feel a lot more relaxed about my faults and realise that they are really not faults at all, just things I find hard to ACCEPT about myself. I feel happier about making mistakes because they are my opportunities to learn and grow.
Since doing this tapping I have started reading Debbie Ford's "The Dark Side of the Light Chaser" and I am beginning to accept all of my unacceptable emotions, my biggest one recently has been my anger, I have been fighting and hating my anger for so long and now I realise what a wonderful emotion it is. It is my inner alarm system that is just bringing to my attention some aspect of myself that I need to work on. How cool is that?