Core Issues and Reframing in EFT: “Dad Couldn’t Afford Me”
In working with a client on money issues, certified EFT practitioner Puja Kanth Alfred finds an old belief based on what her father said about money. Puja details how she introduces reframes to help her client release it and her client has almost immediate results regarding her finances.
By Puja Kanth Alfred, Certified EFT Practitioner
Susan came to me to work on her jaw tension and money issues. The jaw tension came and went along with her emotional ups and downs. She understood that the jaw tension kept her safe as a kid when her dad used to yell at her. She knew logically that she had to let things go and that she didn’t need the “jaw tension”, a safety blanket, anymore but emotionally she held on to these feelings.
In this phone session, we worked on money issues. We had already worked on her jaw tension in the past sessions. On exploring what she felt was blocking her from getting a steady income; she revealed that she was “not good enough”. She felt that she couldn’t get enough and she kept being in situations where the best she could do was not good enough. She was overwhelmed. She wanted to feel powerful enough to meet the challenges. We spoke a bit about how she felt.
We started tapping on:
Even though I feel that I can’t get enough, that my best is not good enough…
She was yawning during the setup and we did it only once as it indicated that there was some energy shift.
After completing a round of tapping on the “I’m not good enough” feeling, I asked her how she felt. She said, “My dad wanted to have only 2 kids and not me. I started out feeling that I wasn’t good enough. I felt that he couldn’t afford me due to that and I felt guilty for being born.”
At this point, I introduced a reframe -
Even though I felt that my dad couldn’t afford me, then how can I afford myself…?
I asked her during the setup - “If your dad couldn’t afford you, then do you feel that you deserve to get money?
She said, “Yes, exactly! I felt guilty for not being afforded and I internalized his lack.” Her guilt was at 8.
I introduced a few reframes that went down well with her. (I usually use reframes that the client will be comfortable with, only after I have an idea of the client’s belief system and have established a good rapport.)
Even though I felt that dad couldn’t afford me, and that made me feel guilty for being born, I choose to release this guilt because it was not in my hands… it was my parent’s decision.
Even though I felt guilty for not being afforded by my dad, I choose to release this guilt. Being born or not - was not in my hands.
This guilt for not being afforded
I felt guilty for being born
I felt guilty for not being afforded
Being born or not was not in my hands; it was not my decision
I choose to release all this guilt
I choose to release this guilt for not being afforded.
My parents had to afford me
I couldn’t possibly earn to afford myself.
We continued with the tapping. (I sometimes extend tapping sequences without asking for intensity in between. It helps in reducing the intensity at one go.)
Even though I felt undeserving for not being afforded, for not being wanted and I blame myself for being born…
I feel guilty for not being wanted because parents want their children and my dad didn’t want me, and he couldn’t afford me - that is what I felt….I choose to release this guilt for not being afforded.
Her guilt for being born was considerably less. She said, “It’s clear because of what you said that I’m continuing not affording myself. It was clear before but never as clear as it is now.”
I included phrases to address the core money belief that ‘she couldn’t afford herself because her father couldn’t afford her’.
We tapped on
Even though my dad couldn’t afford me and I’m doing the same, I’m continuing to not afford myself because how can I afford myself if dad couldn’t afford me?
I have internalized his lack of money and I’m continuing his legacy, I’m his kid and I have to do it. (She was chuckling throughout this extended setup phrase)
I have to shoulder his responsibility of not affording myself, so I make myself guilty about it, because I’m the only one left, so I do it to myself. I love and forgive myself for doing this to myself, for not affording myself, for continuing his legacy, for shouldering his responsibility of not affording myself.
After tapping on this, she had a cognitive shift, “He could afford me! He had money but he didn’t. And I do the same even when I have money; I feel that I don’t have enough!”
Her guilt was down to a 2.
I introduced another perspective to see her reaction. I said, “He could afford you or not, was his problem but right now whether you can afford yourself or not, is an attitude or thought that you can adopt or change”. I asked her if she was okay with tapping on either “I deserve to afford myself” or “I have every right to afford myself”.
She was comfortable with this perspective and tapped on -
“I have every right to afford myself”.
Then we worked on a specific memory where her father had stopped paying for her college fees. He had a habit of saying things out of the blue. She felt disappointed, “I must really be unworthy! He was yanking stuff away from me all the time”.
So we reframed -
Even though I feel unworthy because my dad stopped paying for my college, and the only explanation I had was that I’m unworthy, otherwise why would he stop paying for my college, I feel that I don’t deserve to keep money, to get a steady flow of money; somehow I feel that I am not worthy enough because my dad felt so and I think so, …
After 2 rounds on this, I asked her what she was feeling.
She said, “If I don’t have much; if I don’t have money, I won’t be attacked and no one will take it away from me.” There were several incidents tied to this belief.
So we did a couple of rounds on -
Even though I feel unworthy because he kept doing this kind of thing, kept taking things away from me, I choose to feel worthy to get the things that I really want without the fear that someone will take it away from me.
After a few rounds on this, she felt relieved. The very next day I got an e-mail from her saying that she had a job offer, “I got a call today to …. I quoted the top of the pay range, too, since I'm very experienced. I'll be teaching ... I'm already excited to do it! What a fast result from our session last night! We are obviously working on the right stuff!
In the next session, we worked on her belief that “lack of money would keep me safe as no one would take it away from me” and tied it to the incidents that supported this belief.
In my experience, reframing must be done carefully, especially with people who’ve had a traumatic past. It helps to introduce reframes only after the trauma has been cleared or to use them if the client is agreeable to them. It’s good to provide a safe and open space where they can tell you when they are uncomfortable with what you say or believe. Rapport is also a must for the reframe to work. However, despite having a good rapport, sometimes humorous reframes can backfire. Especially from a cross cultural perspective, humor may not always go down well with a client's belief system.