By Carol Look
"Terri" suffered from low self-esteem and blocks to her success. She wanted to work to release her anger, resentment, and fear in her life. In our session, she focused mainly on leftover issues from her abusive marriage--describing herself as suffering from "battered wife syndrome."
She revealed that when she finally divorced this man, he announced to the courtroom, "This is the sorriest day in your life because you will never be able to take care of yourself and everyone knows you will never amount to anything."
Terri confessed that she felt humiliated in front of everyone in the courtroom, and ever since, she believed what he had said that day.
Terri's husband had been controlling and verbally abusive throughout their marriage. "He pushed me around (emotionally) from the beginning," she exclaimed. She was expected to "keep his palace spotless" while he never lifted a finger to help.
She knew she shouldn't have married her ex-husband. She realized in hindsight that she had married him to desperately escape from her strict and controlling family.
We tapped and applied EFT on her feelings about her husband:
Even though he controlled everything I did, and I couldn't stand it, I deeply and completely accept all of me.
Even though I feel rage about his behavior, I choose to accept how I feel.
Even though I felt trapped with him and couldn't get away, I appreciate the freedom I enjoy now.
Even though I'm mad at myself for letting him treat me this way, I forgive myself for these mistakes.
Even though I was afraid to leave and thought I deserved it, I accept all my feelings and my behavior.
Even though I feel resentful and I shouldn't have let him control me, I accept my feelings anyway.
Even though he completely humiliated me, and I'll never forget it, I know he is in the past now and I can move on.
Even though he said I couldn't take care of myself and I believed him, I release that belief for good.
Even though I was afraid he was right about me, I choose to know I can take care of myself.
Even though I thought I deserved the abuse, I accept that I was wrong about that.
Even though he said I couldn't live without him, he was wrong and that's okay.
I often gave Terri the assignment to tap while repeating positive phrases such as:
"I deserve to be free.
I love taking care of myself.
I appreciate everything about me.
I feel so good about my life.
I accept all the joy that is available to me."
Of course, working on the issues around her marriage allowed Terri to think more about her upbringing which she had never really focused on before. Her parents were extremely strict and expected her to behave as an adult.
Terri was never allowed to play with other kids after school—her parents thought it was a "waste of time." She was expected to come home without participating in any after-school activities to work on the family farm. If Terri missed the bus in the morning for school, she was expected to stay home and work on the farm. She said, "There was never any love in my home. I was always trying to get my father's approval." She never felt certain if he loved her.
Even though I couldn't get his attention or love, I deeply and completely accept all of me.
Even though I always need to be better because I'm convinced I'm not good enough, I am realizing that I am valuable anyway.
Even though they didn't really love me in ways I could feel, I know they cared for me anyway.
Even though I have tried to rebel against their control all my life, I forgive them and I forgive myself.
Even though I felt oppressed all my life, I choose to feel free now.
Even though I am surprised by how angry I feel at them, I forgive myself and release the rage.
Even though I felt trapped my whole life, I choose to enjoy my freedom now.
Even though I never got his approval, I choose to approve of myself now.
Terri tapped in between sessions while reciting positive statements such as:
"I love my freedom.
I enjoy being free.
I deserve to feel good.
I did enough and am enough.
I forgive them.
I forgive myself.
I deserve a good life."
Three weeks into working together, Terri announced unexpectedly, "By the way, my pain has gone away!" I didn't know she suffered from knee and back pain because she never mentioned it, so we never focused on tapping for physical pain.
Apparently, for 15 years, Terri had been suffering with terrible knee pain and some back pain. She had surgery on both knees to try and relieve the pain, but the pain had returned. She told me that one knee usually had pain as high as an 8 out of a possible 10 on the SUD intensity scale, while the other knee hovered around a 4 out of 10 in pain most of the time.
She related how she often went to bed with ice packs and in tears. She also "couldn't move in the morning" from the stiffness and pain in both her knees and ocasionally her back.
Now, after learning to use EFT, she considers herself completely pain-free.
After all the EFT tapping for rage, hurt, fear, and resentment we did, Terri reported that her pain was at a 0 out of 10. "I can't believe that I can get up in the morning and get right out of bed!"
When I asked her if she had added anything else to her life that might account for the pain relief, she said, "Absolutely not. EFT is the only thing I have done in the past 6 months."
As it would turn out, her ex-husband was wrong.
Not only was Terri then able to take care of herself financially, many essential relationships came into her life and she resolved her fear of being controlled enough to eventually accept a marriage proposal from a wonderful man who had no interest in controlling her whatsoever.